Friday, 25 August 2017

The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Truth, I'm Feelin 22 ✌

It goes without saying that nobody likes getting older,well apart from that seventeen year old who's counting down the days until they're eighteen and can finally throw away the fake ID but for me, I was never that girl. I was never the seventeen year old who couldn't wait to grow up and as irrational as it may seem growing older is my biggest fear in life. Why fear something you can't change? I don't know...I just really don't know but what I do know are birthday's are supposed to be a day of celebration and happiness however if you ask me how I was feeling on my birthday 'happy' wouldn't quite make it into my vocabulary, but on Monday August 21st I became a 22 year old.

I know you're thinking I'm being a little bit dramatic but according to my mother I've been the same every single year on my birthday but this year is worse than ever. I think it's due to the fact that I love being 21, I feel like it's an age where yes you're an adult but you get away with everything like you're still a 'young one' but 22, that's a grown up and I'm nowhere near ready to be a grown up, I don't feel like a grown up, I don't act like a grown up I AM NOT A GROWN UP!!!!! and you need to send help PRONTO!!! Thinking back to this week last year when I had my birthday party I was probably the happiest I had ever been 21 is a great age and I'm so envious of anyone that still has it to come.

Okay now lets call a spade a spade, one of the worst things you can do in life is compare yourself to others, it doesn't get you anywhere but at this moment I can't help it, my life
is not what I expected it to be like whatsoever and I think that's one of the hardest things about turning 22. I look at my other friends who have already turned 22, some living with boyfriends, some finishing their degrees, others with their dream job and some travelling the world and that's what I always expected my life to be like but the reality is very different and this is not what I had planned. I don't have a degree, I haven't travelled the world, I don't have a relationship, I don't have the career I've always dreamed of and to be totally honest I don't know what I want to do with my life either.

Since I was 15/16 the journalism/media industry was the only path for me and truthfully I think that's where it all went wrong. At such a young age to be so determined and ambitious may seem like a good thing but I knocked on every single door and got as far as I could for a teenager but being honest no one is willing to give a child a chance, especially not in this industry! I put so many hours into doing work experience, writing, interviewing, researching, making contacts and blogging that I never put enough work into  the things that really mattered like school and studying. If I put half as much effort into my school work things would probably be a lot different.
At 22 you should be in your chosen career field, done/ finishing off college but for me it's now that I have to turn around and start from scratch, and that's a scary thought but I'm also looking forward to it.

I started writing this post last week, just before my birthday and decided not to share it then as it was quite dark and I hate sharing negativity on my blog but now that the weeks gone I feel much calmer about being closer to 25 than 18 as much as it breaks my heart.
 I watched the clock turn to 00:00 on Sunday night and cried with sadness but then it hit me, I'll never be as young as I am right now.
Now I have tomorrow night to look forward to with my best friends and I cannot wait, I'll be sure to keep you updated ;)

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