Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Different Types Of Drunks Your Friends Become

Before I even begin to write this post I feel like I'm obliged to write a short disclaimer to my buddies to inform them that I'm 100% taking this post from their actions (including my own) but don't worry names will remain anonymous. Yes that's right CARRIE MCCOLLUM, Aka, I like to tell my friends they're halfway up the country and their name is Jodie and not Lynda in an attempt to confuse them and make them cry, whilst also rubbing jelly in their hair yes, moving swiftly on.
Aswell as that 'the one friend who always ruins the picture' which you can clearly see from the photograph above that I don't ever do. It's so easy to notice my friends on nights out and what's hilarious is how everyone changes after the drink hits the system.

It doesn't matter what friends you go out with or where you go, there will always be the following 14 types of girls:

1. The Too Drunk Before They leave The House: 

Pre drinks is a regular thing these days and there's always the one that overdoes it slightly, this usually results in one of two ways,
1. They're put straight to bed, no night out for them.
2. The vomiting begins, everything out and ready to start again. Leaving the house at 9pm and being home in bed by 11 with a broken toe is usually the case.  

2. The Shouting One:

Walking into a pub/club/party fearing for your dignity because she likes to chat, or scream at strangers who she thinks are her best friend. Usually resulting in the rest of the group wondering 'Why is she going over to him, she's going to say something, she wouldn't say it, oh Lord she's said it, life is ruined'. 

3. The Dancing Queen:

She's up, she's gone, she's in the middle of the floor grinding with a bunch of strangers but look at her go. 'Where did she learn those moves? Oh God she's fallen over? Woohoo back up! Why is she pointing at the ceiling, okay look away' 

 3. The Shots!!! Shots!! Shots!! 

No No, I can't do any shots tonight I've work at 9am, I'm minding the nephew tomorrow, I've a very important business meeting that could potentially make or break my..., 'I've realised you're not listening to me and now there's tequila in front of me..'

Suddenly she's shouting: One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor. 

4. The Destroyer: 

'Mind the...' and she's gone, be it a crack in the ground, or a kerb she's gone and now her leg is bleeding. 'Mind the...' and now the glass is broken. Not to mention her ID is missing, where's the phone?! Crap the house key is gone, well at least she's going home with one shoe.

5. The 'I Have No Respect Tonight' 

She came, she conquered, she regrets.

 6. The Cry Baby: 

 Oh flip, she's crying again. What happened this time? Oh I think he said she had a big nose?, no no she's angry because we pulled her away from army pants and flip flops man at the bar who may have potentially been her future husband and now she's destined for a life alone with 30 cats. Here's a tissue love, let it out. 

7. The I Want To Punch Everyone:

She turns into Mike Tyson and there's nothing you can do except for keeping her away from the one person she'll knock out cold, well attempt too but knowing her and her rage she probably could manage it. Of course you don't want her getting arrested so you keep her away from 'said target' but this will of course result in you being abused but hey, what are friends for. 

 8. The Funny One: 

She's singing, she's dancing, all eyes are on her and for good reasons she's being the life and soul of the party. Making everyone laugh until of course she finds something funny and she starts laughing, hysterically. 15 hours later... the joke wasn't even funny?

9: The Photographer: 

 Out comes the camera, oh here we go. Of course we spend the whole Sunday untagging ourselves from facebook pictures. There's also the 'selfie' one.. okay girl, we're home now, the make up is off .. GO ASLEEP!!!

10. The sleeper: 

Is that your friend passed out in the chair over there? PASSED OUT?!! God no, no she's just awfully tired leave her sleep *cue the emergency rush to the bar for water and complementary slaps to the face* 

11. The Sober One:

For some reason she's not as intoxicated as the rest of you and is there to help prevent you from getting into potential difficult situations. 'NO!! You're not ringing him, put down the phone' 'Look at your skirt blowing up, get it down'.

 12. The One On A Mission:

She's on a mission, she has some alternative motive but won't share the details even though you know she's up to something as she drags you to a pub where you'd never be caught dead in coming home with a number.. so that was the plan. 

 13. 'I'm not drunk.. I can have more drink' 

She doesn't know when to stop and in her eyes she's still as sober as a judge,.
'Look one more... hey why am I on the floor?'

14. The Matchmaker:

Realistically this is never a good idea but it's her mission to get those two hitting it off. She's knows your crush and as the drinks go down you see her looking at her crush, then she looks at you, then she smiles, the she's up, then she's talking to him, then he's coming over to you, then you run...

Truthfully we all know these type of girls on nights out, and guess what..If you don't it's because it's YOU!!

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