Wednesday, 14 November 2018

Me, Myself And Depression

To the outside world everything was great, I was the smiling bubbly blonde who was getting attention,  working out everyday, really changing my life around. Instead of my old pouty pictures, everyday would see me portraying the image of a bubbly blonde who goes out all the time through beaming smiling selfies whereas in reality, I was absolutely miserable.
To really get the whole picture I have to take you back to March 2018 when I strongly believed my life was changing for the best and I thought I could have it all. Back in March I would work out 6 days a week, I was constantly on the go, I had just bought my own car and to top it off I had just scored my dream job. Of course I was devastated to be leaving my old job, it was stability and routine. Not to mention I got to work with my friends everyday but this in my eyes was an adventure and I didn't think life could get any better. I was the happiest I had been in years.
It wasn't long before I realised this new job wasn't what I dreamt it would be and I was slowly crumbling to pieces. If you have ever worked in a toxic environment you'll know what it feels like and if you haven't, then count yourself lucky and I hope you never do. 
I would wake up at 6am every morning and cry for half an hour before plastering myself in makeup and putting on the biggest fakest smile all day. I'd hold back the tears from 9-6 and then each and every day I'd have to pull in the car on the way home and cry again. 
I would drive past my old workplace and have to hold in the tears, I gave up such a great job to be miserable everyday. Yes I was on double the money and yes this job was helping my career but if there's one piece of advice I can give anyone reading this it's that 'the grass isn't always greener and your mental health needs to come first' 
What was so bad about the place you might ask? well, when you go into a workplace daily and get cut down and bullied it's not long before enough's enough and you have to make the decision between your own mental health and staying employed. What I did learn though is - don't report bullying in the workplace because you'll become unemployed and trust me that's not something you want to be. 

The first week of unemployment was great, I had enough savings to keep me going and for the first time in months I was smiling again but as days turned into weeks, bills still to pay and with no job under my belt I had to choice but to do the one thing I never wanted to do, sign on social welfare. I would never belittle anyone who is on welfare once they are looking and available to work, it has to be done but for me at 22, this was not what I had in mind. I was getting €107 a week and with a €60 car loan as well as other bills hanging over my head my life changed drastically and I had approx €15 weekly to spend on myself and food for the week.

Two weeks on, towards the end of July is when the - I don't want to say depression but the 'sadness' really started hitting home. There's no bones about it I was poor. I couldn't afford my gym membership, my car tax or my glasses that I had been paying in on all along but worst of all my Insomnia came back. 
I had suffered with Insomnia during my leaving cert about five years ago and it was the one thing I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Each and every night I would go to bed around 11pm and 5am I would still be lying there wide awake. WHY ME!!! Why can't I find a job, Why can't I sleep, Why can't I just be happy??!! 

It wasn't long before the insomnia took it's toll and I started getting sicker and sicker with itchy red rashes breaking out all over my body. Going to see a doctor was no option with his €50 fee before you even walk in the door but It constantly felt like something was eating my body and with that I started eating more and more and gained weight. 
 'I think I hate my life' - An opening to one of Avicii's songs would constantly go around in my head like a record and it's only then I realised I couldn't fight it anymore and I was depressed. 

The thing about depression is people don't realise that you are depressed until you tell them and even at that sometimes they don't believe you 'ah you're not, it's just a hard time'. No, let me tell you right now there's a difference between depressed and 'being sad' and that’s something people struggle to accept. I had never struggled with my mental health before and I never thought I would but after going through everything I truthfully believe there’s nothing more important than it.

I started writing this post way back in the summer but refused to post it until I was back on my feet and 100% happy, my blog has never been a place for negativity so instead of writing this as a sad story it’s my comeback story and I’m delighted to say everything worked out and I couldn’t be happier. In September my old job gave me another chance and there hasn’t been one day where I’ve woken up and dreaded going to work.
I wake up smiling everyday. I’m back to where I belong with amazing supportive people, a job I like and financial stability and I believe sometimes things have to happen in order for you to see how good you have it and to make you appreciate the things you do have, especially a strong mental health.

Do I want to name and shame? Absolutely but is it worth a second thought? Definitely not. It’s a part of my life I don’t want to think about but I don’t regret it for one second. I’m in the best place I’ve ever been, I’m happy, I’m content and I’m a stronger person. For anyone out there who’s in a bad place mentally trust me it does get better, if you’re in a job you hate or you’re being bullied the GET OUT!! life is too short to feel like this and there’s something else out there. Everything gets better even though you might not think it will.
Please look out for your own mental health and do the same for your friends because I never realised how important it actually is. Yes I was depressed but I’m strong, I got through it and you can do it too!!



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  5. ARRESTATE L'AVVOCATO ASSASSINO DANIELE MINOTTI. ARRESTATE L' AVVOCATO SATANISTA, NAZISTA, PEDOFILO, ASSASSINO DANIELE MINOTTI DI SANTA MARGHERITA LIGURE, RAPALLO, GENOVA E CRIMINALISSIMO STUIDO LEGALE LISI: RAPISCE, INCULA, AMMAZZA TANTI BAMBINI, PER POI VENDERNE GLI ORGANI!
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    E' DAVVERO DA ARRESTARE IMMEDIATAMENTE L'AVV ASSASSINO E PEDERASTA DANIELE MINOTTI DI RAPALLO E GENOVA: IL NOTISSIMO PEDOFILO INCULA ED AMMAZZA BAMBINI DANIELE MINOTTI!!! AVVOCATO MALAVITOSISSIMO, STUPRANTE INFANTI ED ADOLESCENTI, COME PURE OMICIDA: DANIELE MINOTTI DI CRIMINALISSIMO STUDIO LEGALE LISI DI LECCE E MILANO E DI CRIMINALISSIMO STUDIO LEGALE CIRENEI DI RAPALLO (
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    https://www.py.cz/pipermail/python/2017-March/012979.html
    OGNI SETTIMANA SGOZZA OLTRE CHE CANI, GATTI E SERPENTI, TANTI BAMBINI, IN RITI SATANICI. IN TUTTA LIGURIA E PIEMONTE (COME DA LINKS CHE QUI SEGUONO.. I FAMOSI 5 STUDENTI SCOMPARSI NEL CUNEENSE FURONO ASSOLUTAMENTE AMMAZZATI, FATTI A PEZZI E SOTTERRATI IN VARI BOSCHI PIEMONTESI E LIGURI, POPRIO DALL'AVVOCATO SATANISTA, PEDOFILO ED ASSASSINO DANIELE MINOTTI DI RAPALLO E GENOVA
    https://www.ilfattoquotidiano.it/2013/05/29/piemonte-5-ragazzi-suicidi-in-sette-anni-pm-indagano-sullombra-delle-sette-sataniche/608837/
    https://www.adnkronos.com/fatti/cronaca/2019/03/02/satanismo-oltre-mille-scomparsi-anni_QDnvslkFZt8H9H4pXziROO.html
    FRA L'ALTRO, PRESENTISSIMO ANCHE A PROPOSITO DI QUESTI ALTRI LINKS, RIPORTANTI DEMONIACI MEGA OMICIDA CRIMINI
    http://www.ilsecoloxix.it/p/genova/2011/11/12/AOPeneMB-satanisti_misteri_tragedia.shtml
    https://genova.repubblica.it/cronaca/2011/06/14/news/riti_voodoo_al_cimitero_di_staglieno-17668927/
    https://cesnur.com/il-satanismo/le-chiese-di-satana-a-torino/ )
    E' DAVVERO DA ARRESTARE SUBITO, PRIMA CHE AMMAZZI ANCORA, L'AVVOCATO KILLER, NAZISTA E PEDOFILO, STUPRANTE ED UCCIDENTE BAMBINI SU BAMBINI: DANIELE MINOTTI DI RAPALLO E GENOVA!
    Criminalissimo Studio Cirenei
    Sede di Rapallo (GE)
    Via della Libertà, 4/10 Р16035 RAPALLO (GE)
    Tel. +39 0185 57880
    Sede di Genova
    Via XX Settembre 3/13 16121 – GENOVA
    NON MOSTRATE MAI E POI MAI I VOSTRI FIGLI AL PEDOFIL-O-MOSESSUALE COCAINOMANE ED ASSASSINO DANIELE MINOTTI ( QUI IN CHIARO SCURO MASSONICO, PER MANDARE OVVI MESSAGGI SATANISTI ED OMICIDA ). A CAPO, ANZI, A KAPO' DI UNA SETTA ASSASSINA DAL NOME ELOQUENTISSIMO! SETTA ASSASSINA CHIAMATA " AMMAZZIAMO PER NOSTRO SATANA IN TERRA: SILVIO BERLUSCONI". E' AVVOCATO PEDERASTA INCULA ED AMMAZZA BAMBINI: DANIELE MINOTTI DI GENOVA E RAPALLO.
    UNITO IN CIO' AL PARIMENTI AVVOCATO MASSONE, NAZISTA, LADRO, TRUFFATORE, RICICLA SOLDI MAFIOSI, PEDERASTA ED ASSASSINO FULVIO SARZANA DI SANT'IPPOLITO.

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  6. 2
    ED INSIEME AL VERME NAZISTA MARIO GIORDANO, INSIEME AL MAFIOSO AFFILIATO A COSA NOSTRA CLAUDIO CERASA, FRA L'ALTRO PURE NOTO PEDOFILO (PURE NOTO PEDOFILO DI TIPO OMOSESSUALE CLAUDIO CERASA, AFFILIATO MAFIOSO CLAUDIO CERASA: PUNCIUTO PRESSO FAMIGLIA MEGA ASSASSINA CIMINNA, MANDAMENTO DI CACCAMO), INSIEME AL PRIMA TERRORISTA DI SINISTRA, POI TERRORISTA DI DESTRA PAOLO LIGUORI, INSIEME AL NOTO OMOSESSUALE PEDERASTA GIULIANO FERRARA ED INSIEME ALLA PEDOFILA ESTREMISSIMA ANSELMA DEL'OLIO ( TUTTI " PAZZI MA NON SCEMI", COME AMANO DEFINIRSI).
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    ( REGISTA PEDERASTISSIMO GIUSEPPE LAZZARI DI BRESCIA
    http://pbmystic.rdfig.net/?page=001-forum.ssjs&sub=fidonet_altcompa&thread=38
    CHE, COME VEDETE DA QUESTE BULLSHIT RECENSIONI, NON PER NIENTE, E' PAPPA E CICCIA CON LA PURE NOTA PEDOFILA ANSELMA DELL'OLIO STESSA
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    VI ERA PRIMA ANCHE UN INTERESSANTISISMO VIDEO A QUESTO LINK
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  7. 3
    IL TUTTO COME DA ORDINI DI SUO PAPPONE NONCHE' PEDOFILO SPAPPOLA MAGISTRATI SILVIO BERLUSCONI. ORGANIZZANTE NUOVE OVRA E GESTAPO KILLER, PRIMA VIA BASTARDI ASSASSINI ( GIA' FINITI IN GALERA) GAETANO SAYA E RICCARDO SINDOCA, POI VIA BASTARDI ASSASSINI ( GIA' FINITI IN GALERA) GIULIANO TAVAROLI ED EMANUELE CIPRIANI, POI VIA BASTARDI ASSASSINI ( GIA' FINITI IN GALERA) ROBERTO PREATONI, ERNESTO PREATONI E FABIO GHIONI
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    TROVATE QUALSIASI ALTRA INFORMAZIONE SUL MASSONE NAZISTA, SUL SATANISTA NAZISTA, SUL SATANAZISTA, PEDOFILO, PEDERASTA, ASSASSINO DANIELE MINOTTI DI RAPALLO E GENOVA, QUI:
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  8. 4
    PER CONCLUDERE, A VOI ORA IL TESTO PRIMA CITATO DI UN IMMIGRATO RUMENO, STEFAN CUMESCU. NARCOTIZZATO E POI INCULATO A SANGUE, ALLORCHE' POCO PIU' CHE BAMBINO, DAL MASSONE NAZIFASCISTA E FILO MAFIOSO, NONCHE' VERMINOSO PEDOFILO DANIELE MINOTTI, AVVOCATO DI RAPALLO E GENOVA ( I POSTS DI STEFAN CUMESCU, DI CUI ERA STRA COLMA LA RETE, SONO STATI FATTI TUTTI CANCELLARE DALL'ASSASSINO NAZISTA MAFIOSO PEDOFILO DANIELE MINOTTI... OVVIO, HA LA COSCIENZA LERCIA, SE LA FA SOTTO A PROPOSITO CHE LA SUA PERVERTITISSIMA PEDERASTA ED OMICIDA REALTA' POSSA VENIRE A GALLA..LA FAREMO VENIRE E STRA VENIRE A GALLA NOI.. MEGLIO MORTI CHE ARRESI Y DE STRA VERDAAAD!!!)!!!!!!
    ECCO LO SCIOCCANTISSIMO TESTO DI STEFAN A PROPOSITO ( STEFAN CHE A PROPOSITO DI TUTTO QUESTO, NE SCRIVE EROICAMANTE QUI https://www.py.cz/pipermail/python/2017-April/013002.html ). GUARDATE DA VOI STESSI, PLEASE, CHE PEDOFILO ASSASSINO E SATANAZISTA SIA STO PEZZO DI MERDA CRIMINALISSIMO DI DANIELE MINOTTI ( AVVOCATO KILLER DI GENOVA E RAPALLO, STUPRANTE NEONATI, BAMBINI ED ADOLESCENTI, PER POI UCCIDERE GLI STESSI E SOTTERRARLI IN BOSCHI DI MEZZA ITALIA, OPS SORRY, INTENDEVO DIRE SUA "ME.DAFASCIOMAFIOSA DI BERLUSCONIA") !!!!!!!!!!!
    Ciao tuti e scusate de mio italiano. Io sono rumeno e non me nascondo: me chiamo Stefan Cumescu e sono stato sodomizzato con violenza da avvocato assassino Daniele Minotti di Rapallo e Genova, esatamente nel estate 2009! Alora tenievo 13 anni. E bene, nel 2009, lo avvocato di giri nazifascisti misti a Cosa Nostra, Camorra, Ndrangheta, Daniele Minotti di Rapallo e Genova, mi diede tre grammi di cocaina da vendere misti a qualcosa che te fa perdere sensi... mi fece svenire apposta e mentre ero mas di morto che vivo, me sodomizzo'. Vi era anche pancione pieno di merda, pedofilissimo Giuliano Ferrara de Il Foglio a guardare, ridere, cercare de masturbarse invano esendo noto impotente da sempre. Vi era anche il banchero pure immensamente pedofilo Gabriele Silvagni di Rimini ( di ricicla soldi mafiosi Banca Carim Rimini). E sua moglie, nota prostituta, tante quanto schifosamente pedofila Raffaella Vaccari, sempre de Rimini. Il filio de putana avvocato Daniele Minotti, criminalissimo avvocato di Rapallo e Genova me sodomizzo' insieme ad altri sei di suoi giri fascisti e mafiosi. Ho anche prove di tuto questo. Io, ora, Stefan Cumescu di Genova, quartiere Caruggi, facio il muratore, basta droga, basta prostituirsi (como doveti de fare a seguito di questo stupro, per poter rimanere vivo, per non venire amazato, e doveti de prostituirmi proprie su ordine de Mafia Berlusconiana e Fascismo Berlusconiano, a Genova, rapresentati da questo bastardo sodomizza bambini de avvocato Daniele Minotti). Guadanio un decimo di quanto guadaniavo prima e lavoro il triplo di quanto prima. Ma preferisco di questo, sento la mia vita uno poco di maggiore securo. Ma avvocato di Hitler, Vallanzasca e Satana, avvocato filio de putana di Silvio Berlusconi e Giuliano Ferrara, nazista e mafioso pederasta Daniele Minotti di Genova e Rapallo, davvero fa parte di setta di maniaci sessuali omosessuali molto pericolosi. Ciao. Stefan.
    Posti Scrito
    Io vedevo in giro uno belo testo che parlava di tuto questo...anche de orge depravatissime fate da incula bambini Daniele Minotti con Don Riccardo Seppia, ma ora non vedo tanto di piu' in giro de lo steso testo. Alora sai cosa facio? Di mia iniciativa facio cut and copy e provo di riproporlo io da tute parti e pe tuta mi vita. Ciao da Stefan e ri scusa di mio italiano ... ma presto volio di fare corsi di sera di miliorarlo. Ciao. Stefan Cumescu, sodomizate quasi a morte da pedofilo assasino Daniele Minotti de Rapallo et Genova.

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  9. Nicola Delic's ND10X Program Review

    Trading in currency derivatives or Forex trade as it is better known is a very lucrative investment option in India. At the same time, you, being a trader, realize that all the studied information on trading turned out to be a kind of something alien, and that is why you have never fully trusted it deep in your heart. Unlike the spot market, the forwards and futures markets do not trade actual currencies. But, since each moving average here is applied to each time frame, your job is basically to monitor the weekly chart and the everyday charts initially before entering the trade. Various traders would depend too much on their dealing computer software furthermore forget getting involved by hand on trade.

    ND10X is a Forex trading system that implements trades manually. Hedging: If you are an importer and have payments to make in USD at a future date, you can hedge your foreign exchange exposure by purchasing USDINR and fixing your pay out rate today. Traders who develop a weekly trading system can spend more time away from their monitors. In this important first stage you'll learn more about trading and how to trade like a professional. It has 2 sections, one is for training to use the ND10X system and the other one is for executing trades using this system.

    A trader can place a limit order to buy below the market or sell above the market at a certain price. Unlike other Forex trading systems, Forex Profit Farm has no monthly subscription fee. The working of this Duality product depends on different chapters, and you have to go through all the sections to understand the forex industry fully. You will have the knowledge and confidence to take trades and make money daily. There are thousands of products on the market with the same use, but they appear to be outdated from the technology as well as incorrect prediction which will certainly kill your foreign exchange game.

    The advantage of swing trading, therefore, is the fact that all the minor price fluctuation in smaller timeframes (which is the domain of the day trader) is ignored and a larger long term view is held regarding each trade that is placed. MetaTrader 4, also known as MT4, provides access to a range of markets and hundreds of different financial instruments, including foreign exchange, commodities, CFDs and indices. If the trader used the maximum leverage of 50:1 permitted in the U.S. (ignoring trading costs and commissions) the profit is $25,000, or 416.67%.

    In addition to enabling traders to better see the larger trend picture, weekly charts have the added advantage of being less labor-intensive than daily or intraday charts. If you think a currency will increase in value, you can buy it. If you think it will decrease, you can sell it. With a market this large, finding a buyer when you're selling and a seller when you're buying is much easier than in other markets. If you decide that trading is not for you or you don't like the platform there is no obligation to carry on with the broker. https://www.reviewengin.com/infinite-profit-system-review/

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  10. Global Currency Trading Surges To $6.6 Trillion

    Forex trading has been the major money making method followed by traders. In the real market, there's no such thing as infinite supply because there's no such thing as a perfect product and a perfect economic model. This is a great book for any market trading because Laurentiu just shows us how to interpret the price patterns, and take action. Tradeology is an impressive company that punches well above what you might expect in Forex trading prediction and education systems. This Forex pair is characterised by medium volatility and risk, which makes it perfect to be used with a scalping strategy.

    Watch our latest video and get profitable trading results. The creator of ND10X is Nicola Delic of Tradeology, who mastered the forex level training and earned a decent status in the Forex Trading System. While it is important to learn, nothing compares to seeing someone make live trades and watching the system at work. I concur that Forex market is highly flexible but it is also more risky than the binary market. Now users can copy or sell their trades and copy trades from indicators in Meta Trader. Forex Profit Farm can be tested before you risk any capital whatsoever, so no need to worry about your capital straight away.

    Currency and exchange were important elements of trade in the ancient world, enabling people to buy and sell items like food, pottery , and raw materials. Unfortunately, there are many unregulated scam forex brokers out there who just want to rob you of your money. Forex has become the largest money related market globally and experiences a turnover of $5 trillion every day and the whole market includes individuals as well as various monetary standards. Our Fx and Crypto Systems can be used with every Broker who supports trading with the very popular Meta Trader platform.

    Forex dealers' cash know also the tiniest Foreign exchange rate irresoluteness throughout their exchange. The target price helps you figure out your risk to reward ratio, and it gives you an exit signal in your trade. So, if you're new to trading, you might love this spoon-feeding method from Tradeology. This interest in collecting different currencies soon developed into studying the connection between one currency with another and very soon into the world of trading foreign currency or FOREX as it is called.

    Engro Corporation Limited receives the Top Taxpayers” award in Chemical Sector by Central Board of Revenue. CFDs are complex instruments and come with a high risk of losing money rapidly due to leverage. I have to encounter various difficulties that are involved with coordination of different trades and confront challenges out there in the trading market. If you're really serious about making money through the forex markets, rather than going through trial and error and wasting your capital, it is better to go with this tool. https://www.reviewengin.com/tips-to-write-eye-catching-headline-for-blog/

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  11. Through what medium do big cheeses arrive at prime Tech Products blogs? That's right up your alley. Doesn't it seem that I have almost no feeling where Gadgets is coming from? This should be updated weekly.


    PowerPro Energy Saver
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    Buzz B Gone

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